First Night (15, 116 mins)
Director: Christopher Menaul
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
A group of opera singers are brought together by Richard E. Grant’s wealthy industrialist to stage a production of Cosi fan Tutte in the grounds of his country estate. As they plod through their rehearsals, punctuated by the goings on in and out of the bedrooms during the downtime, we’re forced to suffer through a barely competent am-dram car crash, and the most clumsily directed, misbegotten tosh you’re likely to see all year. It’s acted out by a bunch of dreadful old hams who can’t seem to perform the most basic lines or actions, with not a single moment that rings true and many that would be hilarious if they weren’t so painfully embarrassing. This really is appalling on every level, a desperate pudding that not even Mozart can save.
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